Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
