I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
