how can u be prego again
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
FUCK WHALES
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
