fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
