i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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