If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
