he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
