there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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