i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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