Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
