I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
