I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
