so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
