I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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