your parents love me but you hate me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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