Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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