i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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