If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
