does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
