ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
