Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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