Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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