i love accidental penises.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
