I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
