my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
