just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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