i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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