Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
