He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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