is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize