I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
