I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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