I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize