Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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