Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
