He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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