There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
