I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
