I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
