Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
