if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
false alarm, still single
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