DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
