I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
