TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
