Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
