I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
