I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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