A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
