I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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