She said her name was "party"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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