operation have a gay friend backfired
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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