I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
