I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
