I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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