our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
