I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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