i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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