I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
