i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize