dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
