They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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