Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
