im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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