I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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