So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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