Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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