i think i have herpe
just one?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
