You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
